Love is respect. Love is communication. Love is feeling safe. What does love mean to you? Catalyst believes that being able to recognize an abusive relationship is only half the equation. It’s equally important to know how to develop and maintain healthy relationships with the people we care about.

We know that relationships exist on a spectrum, with healthy on one side and abusive on the other. Despite our best efforts, even the healthiest relationships sometimes find themselves slipping into the “unhealthy” middle section.

One of the key strategies for maintaining strong relationships is healthy communication. Arguing is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. Every relationship will have good times, tense times, and arguments. It is HOW we argue that determines whether it is a healthy or unhealthy argument. The following tools will help you navigate those tense situations in a safe, respectful way.

Fair Argument Rules

• Identify the problem – only deal with one problem at a time and don’t bring up the past
• Focus on the problem – not the person, be willing to solve the problem
• Take personal responsibility – hold yourself accountable for your actions in the argument
• Use “I” Statements – try not to use “you” statements
• No fouls – no blaming, put-downs, shouting, name-calling, swearing, interrupting, sarcasm, or using an unkind tone of voice
• Don’t hold grudges – if you are not happy with the results, be honest and bring it up again
• Don’t be stubborn – be willing to be wrong and to reach a middle ground. Try to see your partner’s point of view.
• Pay attention to timing – bring it up when you and your partner have time to talk about it
• Take a break – if the argument is heating up, take a break to cool down, but make sure to name a time to talk about it again
• Listen – take to heart what your partner is saying instead of planning what you are going to say next
• Try not to get defensive – speak and act like you mean it while trying to talk about the problem, without attacking or running away from your partner

Spotlight On:

In 2010, as part of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), Congress declared the entire month of February as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. We are living in a world where one in three students report experiencing some form of abuse and more than 2/3 never report that abuse to a caring adult. Many teens are in relationships with unhealthy habits such as extreme jealousy, lack of communication, lack of trust, and lack of privacy, especially in the age of social media and smart phones.

One of the largest barriers for teen victims is a lack of awareness of resources and services. Please share Catalyst’s website and Facebook page through email or social media. Help shine some light on the issue of teen dating violence. If you are interested in booking a Teen Dating Violence presentation for your classroom or youth organization, please call us at 530-343-7711 or visit our community education page.

To highlight this important month, Catalyst will be hosting a FREE teen dating violence training for parents. For more information or to register for the training, please visit https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/TDV2018